• Scott

Sex after divorce

What happens when all the figthing, crying and arguing is over. When the legal maneuvering is over and the divorce is approved. You go to your seperate houses and then what happens, well you have to pick up the pieces and get on with your life.

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You are alone and you have reshape your life alone. You may buy a new house, start a new job, get some therapy and if you have kids you have to try and make sure that you minize the lasting psychological scars. It isn't easy, maybe you craved being left alone, there is no one to annoy you, but there will also be no one to support you when things go wrong.

Then what happens to sex and relationships after divorce. Will you want a break or dive straight back in?


What is the norm after divorce?

Well for most us our standard of living will take quite a battering. You may loose friends, you may gain some, but for the most part divorce is brutal for every one involved. It leaves psychological scars of guilt, feelings of dispair and feelings of what the hell happened for a very long time.


So how do you find a new partner?

Well beyond swiping one way or another, there are obvsiously a huge amount of dating sites of one form or another for whatever level of committement you are looking for. Beyond that how do you figure out what you want and need? Well if may take you some time. You have to take a long hard look at yourself and make sure you are sincere. It might be a long journey to a real future mate and that is ok, you will find out a lot about what you want and desire along the way.


This journey will be the time to discover what you really like, not what you were doing to please another person. You might feel freer, less hindered which may well help you on the journey back to yourself after divorce.


Sex after divorce what does that look like?

It does not need to be set in stone, but there are generally 3 primary patterns that emerge.: addicts, users and abstainers.

Abstainers are individuals who were formely married but were celibate in their relationship perhass due to situational circumstances, such as physical disease, aging, geographical seclusion or those that choose to stay and abstain. They see divorce as a welcome break from the sexual needs of a marital relationship, it's a sense of relief, not one of deprivation.

Some still think that sex belongs to the confines of a marriage and love is required for that. They might have some kind of sexual relations, however they continue to think that love is required for sex.

Users are those who separate sex and love and are the most widespread within the group of the formely wed. They are not surprisingly careful in figuring things out and discover what they desire and how to like, feel and connect once again. It is very important to find out how to redefine yourself, fix your ego and even put in the time to find your real sexuality, not simply what you have accepted.

Addicts invest a great deal of time considering sex, possibly fanatically and how to seduce brand-new partners. Sex with no psychological connections might be what they are fighting against.

Patterns are of course not set in stone, you might move from one to the other and might require to pass from one pattern to another to get to where you want to be. Problems typically arise when your partner isn't on the same page as you and does not know which pattern you are in. Have you made it clear to your current partner, if you want to keep your relationship casual, you are perhaps not ready or don't want it, whatever you may want or feel you have to share that. You cannot assume that the other person knows what you want, they cannot read your mind.



Life or sex after divorce is not a competition. It is your time to heal, learn and figure what you want and most of all be happy with yourself. It may be a cliche but you have to like and love yourself first!


Thanks to:


Honey Couple, doctormatters.com, Nakedthat.com

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